A short note on the delicacy of conversation. Your words truly express who you are and where your heart is. " Out of the heart the mouth speaks".
I, personally, don't do subtlety very well. Not because I couldn't, but because I see it as a way to manipulate people and conversation. I also see it as cowardice. Simply put, if I believe something to be true I should be courageous enough to say so, regardless of the effect it may, or may not have, upon the hearer. I strive to be free from pretense. Pretense is really hiding behind a facade. Pretending you agree, pretending you are something you are not. If you feel the need to do that, I should say that you should re-examine what is really in your heart. I honestly quite despise this particular character trait in people. And I highly prize people who aren't pretentious, and have no need of subtlety.
If you believe something, then believe it enough to openly state it come what may, because you believe it to be true. Because I think this way.( i.e Logically). You never have to "read between the lines" with me. I say exactly what I mean, and I mean what I say. Some people love this about me! Others... of the pretentious kind... don't ususally stick around very long. Also, I do not communicate well with people of the more subtle variety. Because, quite honestly, it is alot of work, and I have a hard time respecting them much. If I have to ferret out your honest opinion, and pry a definitive statement from you, then honestly it wasn't worth it. Because either A. You dont have a solid opinion on the matter, one that is thought out and helpful. Or B. You don't believe your opinion enough to state it outright. Both of which undermine any contribution you might have had.
Sometimes I am purposefully candid. Because I almost feel as though I have a barometer that takes in how much artifice is in a conversation or group discussion. I am not purposefully trying to be disruptive. I simply can only take so much of it .. before I feel the need to just speak about the matter openly, decisively, honestly. I hold my tongue quite a bit actually. But I always ask myself... is it out of politeness? Or is it fear? Pretense is really just fear behind a mask of politeness. If I had a dollar for everytime someone says something about my "personal convictions" I might be rich. But all the people I love most are those whom I know speak honestly, about their hearts, about their lives, about their thoughts. I have more respect for someone I completely disagree with, but is candid and intelligent, than I do for a host of polite, agreeable, acquaintances who never truly say what they believe. Who secretly, quietly, judge you without a single word of dispute, or ever give you the opportunity to defend any misconceptions they have formed. So speak up! Be brave and say what you believe. If you don't really believe it, then by all means ... hold your tongue.
I, personally, don't do subtlety very well. Not because I couldn't, but because I see it as a way to manipulate people and conversation. I also see it as cowardice. Simply put, if I believe something to be true I should be courageous enough to say so, regardless of the effect it may, or may not have, upon the hearer. I strive to be free from pretense. Pretense is really hiding behind a facade. Pretending you agree, pretending you are something you are not. If you feel the need to do that, I should say that you should re-examine what is really in your heart. I honestly quite despise this particular character trait in people. And I highly prize people who aren't pretentious, and have no need of subtlety.
If you believe something, then believe it enough to openly state it come what may, because you believe it to be true. Because I think this way.( i.e Logically). You never have to "read between the lines" with me. I say exactly what I mean, and I mean what I say. Some people love this about me! Others... of the pretentious kind... don't ususally stick around very long. Also, I do not communicate well with people of the more subtle variety. Because, quite honestly, it is alot of work, and I have a hard time respecting them much. If I have to ferret out your honest opinion, and pry a definitive statement from you, then honestly it wasn't worth it. Because either A. You dont have a solid opinion on the matter, one that is thought out and helpful. Or B. You don't believe your opinion enough to state it outright. Both of which undermine any contribution you might have had.
Sometimes I am purposefully candid. Because I almost feel as though I have a barometer that takes in how much artifice is in a conversation or group discussion. I am not purposefully trying to be disruptive. I simply can only take so much of it .. before I feel the need to just speak about the matter openly, decisively, honestly. I hold my tongue quite a bit actually. But I always ask myself... is it out of politeness? Or is it fear? Pretense is really just fear behind a mask of politeness. If I had a dollar for everytime someone says something about my "personal convictions" I might be rich. But all the people I love most are those whom I know speak honestly, about their hearts, about their lives, about their thoughts. I have more respect for someone I completely disagree with, but is candid and intelligent, than I do for a host of polite, agreeable, acquaintances who never truly say what they believe. Who secretly, quietly, judge you without a single word of dispute, or ever give you the opportunity to defend any misconceptions they have formed. So speak up! Be brave and say what you believe. If you don't really believe it, then by all means ... hold your tongue.
I think I agree with almost all your reasons, although I have a differing opinion on the conclusion (like, I agree that beating around the bush is often a waste of time and effort, that trying to satisfy everyone by having no spine is a bad move, etc, but! I think subtlety is an art that is good to master, or at least try to improve). I personally love to argue, debating to me is fun and interesting.. I've had soooo many people tell me that I need to lighten up, not try to insist others think the same way as I do, and I think it's the way I debate things. Or hopefully, the way I debatED things, because I've tried to change that, one of those things I've been particularly conscious of the past couple of years. It seems that most people are far more willing to listen to you and actually think about what you're saying when you show that you value their opinion (and I'm not saying that valuing = agreement, just to be clear!), because a lot of the time, I think, if you're too blunt, it sounds to them like you think you know what they should think better than they themselves do. And maybe you do, ha, but a lot of times, it'll lead to the other person shutting down, getting angry, or just closing their mind to your ideas. Which is often counterproductive.
ReplyDeleteAnnnnnnyyyyyywayyyyyyyyy, just thought I'd share. Because I've been far too blunt and outspoken for the vast majority of my life, if not still now, and have seen the ill effects it can have! Maybe you knew all this though, and were going for something different with this post? Just thought I'd share my newly-acquired insight that's only new to me, most people already having figured this out ages ago, ha!
Maria :]
Ah! Maria! You are one of those people I love to debate with and totally value your opinion, because you are willing to say it openly. I agree with you though, I certainly have suffered for my bluntness, I cant tell you the number of times I look back and regret hasty words. Also I know to some people this post may make me sound prideful and arrogant. It isn't that I don't value another's differing opinion, only I find it very frustrating that they aren't willing to state it. To clarify, I try to speak bluntly, honestly, but with Love. And I always mean the Love part. I also try to judge who I am speaking to and how much directness they can take. I am always pretty direct with you Maria... because I know you are a logical thinking kinda gal and I think you can take it :) But I always try to converse with respect for the other person.
ReplyDeleteI suppose this post is my frustration trying to openly converse in a "tolerant" society. They tolerate everything but "intolerance". I also see things in black and white (because that is how things are lol) and so it is a worldview clashing with all of those who see the world in shades of grey. I am learning when to hold my tongue and when to speak, but always trying to speak with Grace and being filled with the Spirit.