Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Birth and Beyond

(Liberty Lucille 3days old)

 If there is one momentous event in a woman's life that will be remembered into old age, it's birth. Ask any woman to recount her birth stories, and she will be able to remember minute details. Who was there, the location, the lighting, the date, the hour, the entire experience from the first contraction to the last push.  Even old women suffering from Alzheimers can fill you in on details from births long ago. It is etched into memory. Because there is no other other event that changes a woman so dramatically in such a short time. All of a sudden you enter Motherhood.  

I have had four births (so far). And each one different from the last. I can tell you exact details from each and the impact that the birth experience has had upon me.  My last two babies I had at home with a midwife . My first two I had in a military hospital with lots of intervention and epidurals. I have had taken both routes to birth twice. So maybe you are wondering which way was better? Home birth. Hands down. Let me explain.

After my first two births in a military hospital I was pretty determined to never go through that again. I, personally, despise feeling out of control and full of fear. Most hospitals do nothing to help decrease fear or increase the sense of safety and security that all laboring women crave. Birth is so personal and private and I felt that everything was done that could be, to invade my privacy and medicalize my births. Alone in a place far from family (being a military spouse) and part of a hospital system run by the government, its no wonder I was left with a feeling of fear, apprehension, and emptiness. As though I had somehow missed something important. I remember shaking the feeling off again and again with thoughts like " I have a baby to show for this!" "There is nothing missing! I have a healthy baby". After a serious bout of undiagnosed postpartum depression the second time around, I promptly sought an IUD with the thinking "I surely cannot put myself through that awful ordeal again".


Image result for IUD
Fast forward three years. God changed my heart so much in that time! In another post I will address birth control, all of the ill effects, and moral, ethical, and spiritual considerations Suffice it to say I had my IUD removed and hoped God would bless my womb once again. But this time it would have to be different! Because I still couldn't fathom having to put myself through the medicalized hospital birth system again. It saddens me to wonder how many women don't have more children simply because of their fear of birth.


“Whenever and however you give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life.”-Ina May Gaskin

So I thought "Surely there must be a better way". And my journey to homebirthing began. Still completely full of fear, still holding every doubt and anxiety any first time mother would have. Still wondering about everything that could go wrong and really thinking deep down " I can't do this". I found a midwife and slowly my thinking about birth started to change. But very slowly. I still remember my midwife asking me in my third trimester "How are you preparing for birth?" and my answer "I'm trying not to think about it". Seriously, that was my approach. Don't think about it and hope it is over quick. O Dear. 

The day approached and my water spontaneously burst at 2 am on a very cold Alaskan winter night in January. Did I mention it was in the driveway? Tip to very pregnant Mommas. Do not stay out late when your due in two days, and do not think you are limber enough to step from a Jeep onto an ice covered driveway. Kersplash! However the look of shock on my best friends face? Priceless. I called my midwife and promptly went to bed knowing I needed all the energy I could get for the upcoming event.

I will recount all the memorable details some other time. But the next day came... and went with no baby and no labor until about 8pm.  Liberty made her way into the world about 5am the day after. And my feelings about birth, labor, and life had changed. There is nothing like facing your worst fears and coming out victorious.

I had changed.

 Although I had been a mother for 6 years it was quite different emerging from birth with a healthy baby and a smiling midwife in my own home. My sense of accomplishment was overwhelming. I did it! No hospital, no drugs, no IV, no epidural,no episiotomy,no glaring hospital lights, no yelling PUSH, no tension, no FEAR. And I knew even in that moment that I could do it again.

(Liberty and I in our post birth glory)

As I cuddled down with my new, sweet, 7lb baby girl, my fears and doubts had been put to rest as well. Birth wasn't scary after all. Birth was wonderful. Natural. Normal. I have never felt more confident in my own body and completely aware of the momentous miracle that God can accomplish through me. I was made for this. And so are you.

Comments and questions welcome!


  “Remember this, for it is as true and true gets:  Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine.  The Creator is not a careless mechanic.  Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo.  Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.” `Ina May Gaskin

1 comment:

  1. Great post and so true. I remember both of my births so clearly even 4 and 2 years later. The unmedicated hospital birth was so much better than the intervention/epidural birth (with the same doctor). Next go round we will be birthing at home with a midwife. Thank you for sharing your experience!

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