Top Five Tips for Moms

In the last 9 years I have learned alot about Motherhood.

I started with very little equipment and while I am certainly no "expert" now, I have come a LONG way. 

Taylor's Top Five Tips

1. Go with your gut.

Usually "Go with your gut" is terrible advice. Cause you see ... I think you are a depraved sinner and the whole "follow your heart" line of thinking will lead you down a sad, dark path of sin. "The heart is wicked and deceitful above all things, who can know it?". And I don't trust my gut, Id MUCH rather read a book on the subject. It is just how I am wired. However. God made us Mommies with a built in mothering instinct.  And I have learned I can trust my mommy instinct and should.

This addresses the "DANGER" alert system hardwired into a mommy. This means that when you get that "Danger" feeling, that unsure fluttery feeling that may be  totally unjustified in the moment LISTEN. Seriously.

 Once I let my two year old play on big kid equipment after being assured it was "fine". She broke her leg and was in a cast for months. I have many more instances where I went against "my better judgement" listening to others or ignored that red flag gut feeling that ended in disaster.

Now I have learned to trust my mommy instinct. It may mean that my children cannot have cups with straws in the car (because I envision the straw going through their palate if I slam the brakes), or that they get to climb trees...never, but nonetheless my children are safer and I am much less stressed out.

2. Attachment parent

Now I am not exactly an attachment parenting guru. But going along with #1 above, attachment parenting styles are much more natural for mommies and babies, and generally go with a mothers natural gut instinct. Why stress you and your baby out attaining some arbitrary goal? Or because you are afraid of a negative result? Or because you are in competition with Mrs. SO and SO?

What I mean by this is .... pick up your baby when they cry. Sleep with your baby close by or even in your own bed (gasp!) for as long as it works for you, 7 weeks, 7 months, or even 7 years. Nurse your baby on demand! Babies want milk... when they want it! Wear your baby. Bathe with your baby. Skin to skin. Lavish love on your baby. They are only a baby once, and I promise they will leave your bed, they will learn to sleep without the breast, they will bathe alone. Don't stress about "independence" it will come naturally. Isn't this the exact message your mommy instinct says? Find what works for you and your family and toss everything else.

3.Do not compare 

Pinterest.Facebook.Twitter. We have more ways than ever to see and compare parenting and mothering. Stop! Just Stop! Who has time to make Dr Suess themed lunches? I know I do not even want to.... and yet. I work so hard to just have a great birthday party for one kid... only to feel shame that I didnt have a huge, stylish, themed party months in the planning. I have yet to take on half the arts and crafts projects that I am "suppose" to do with them. And lets not even talk about the dinner menu. Alas I must be a total failure!

O wait. None of that matters in the least. Seriously. It just doesn't. My children will have great birthday memories. Plain ole PB&J for lunch with crust ON is fine. Providing guidance and abundant art supplies is enough. And dinner that is healthy and warm is just fine too. And sometimes if my kids have tunamac for dinner, if we miss bath night,if I buy a cake from the bakery rather than trying to bake one myself, if their socks don't match....it's OK. Have grace for yourself Momma. And don't compare yourself to others

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4.Simplify

Altogether think of ways you can simplify every area. Everyone will be happier! Less stress, less mess, more time, more enjoyment. Critically examine your schedule, your routine, your stuff.

At my house this means I do not own dressers. Instead we use small plastic drawers for undies and socks and hang up the rest. Less folding, less dusting, one less piece of furniture to care for, and more play space in the kids room. It means I never match up socks, ever! I buy my husband all the same socks, and I do not care if the kids socks match or not, in fact they prefer for them not to! It means I purge my kids toys often, and only keep the best stuff and limit the number. I also do not over commit myself. 

5.Individualize 

Find what works for you and your family. You don't have to fit in a box. You don't have to try to be "normal". Your family is an individual family, made up of specific people. How you manage your home should be highly specialized for your families individual needs. 

For me this includes my sensitivity to noise. Noise stresses me out. So I do not buy or keep loud, obnoxious, battery operated toys. That is OK. It means we start our school later in the morning because I so highly value a quiet, laid-back, morning environment. It means I don't pressure my more introverted children to be outgoing, and I accept each of their personalities and work around individual weaknesses (while still character training of course). 

Liberty. Freedom. No unnecessary stress.

What are some of your stress releasing, freedom finding tips that have worked in your own family?

Birth and Beyond

(Liberty Lucille 3days old)

 If there is one momentous event in a woman's life that will be remembered into old age, it's birth. Ask any woman to recount her birth stories, and she will be able to remember minute details. Who was there, the location, the lighting, the date, the hour, the entire experience from the first contraction to the last push.  Even old women suffering from Alzheimers can fill you in on details from births long ago. It is etched into memory. Because there is no other other event that changes a woman so dramatically in such a short time. All of a sudden you enter Motherhood.  

I have had four births (so far). And each one different from the last. I can tell you exact details from each and the impact that the birth experience has had upon me.  My last two babies I had at home with a midwife . My first two I had in a military hospital with lots of intervention and epidurals. I have had taken both routes to birth twice. So maybe you are wondering which way was better? Home birth. Hands down. Let me explain.

After my first two births in a military hospital I was pretty determined to never go through that again. I, personally, despise feeling out of control and full of fear. Most hospitals do nothing to help decrease fear or increase the sense of safety and security that all laboring women crave. Birth is so personal and private and I felt that everything was done that could be, to invade my privacy and medicalize my births. Alone in a place far from family (being a military spouse) and part of a hospital system run by the government, its no wonder I was left with a feeling of fear, apprehension, and emptiness. As though I had somehow missed something important. I remember shaking the feeling off again and again with thoughts like " I have a baby to show for this!" "There is nothing missing! I have a healthy baby". After a serious bout of undiagnosed postpartum depression the second time around, I promptly sought an IUD with the thinking "I surely cannot put myself through that awful ordeal again".

Fast forward three years. God changed my heart so much in that time! In another post I will address birth control, all of the ill effects, and moral, ethical, and spiritual considerations Suffice it to say I had my IUD removed and hoped God would bless my womb once again. But this time it would have to be different! Because I still couldn't fathom having to put myself through the medicalized hospital birth system again. It saddens me to wonder how many women don't have more children simply because of their fear of birth.

“Whenever and however you give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body, and your spirit for the rest of your life.”-Ina May Gaskin

So I thought "Surely there must be a better way". And my journey to homebirthing began. Still completely full of fear, still holding every doubt and anxiety any first time mother would have. Still wondering about everything that could go wrong and really thinking deep down " I can't do this". I found a midwife and slowly my thinking about birth started to change. But very slowly. I still remember my midwife asking me in my third trimester "How are you preparing for birth?" and my answer "I'm trying not to think about it". Seriously, that was my approach. Don't think about it and hope it is over quick. O Dear. 

The day approached and my water spontaneously burst at 2 am on a very cold Alaskan winter night in January. Did I mention it was in the driveway? Tip to very pregnant Mommas. Do not stay out late when your due in two days, and do not think you are limber enough to step from a Jeep onto an ice covered driveway. Kersplash! However the look of shock on my best friends face? Priceless. I called my midwife and promptly went to bed knowing I needed all the energy I could get for the upcoming event.

I will recount all the memorable details some other time. But the next day came... and went with no baby and no labor until about 8pm.  Liberty made her way into the world about 5am the day after. And my feelings about birth, labor, and life had changed. There is nothing like facing your worst fears and coming out victorious.

I had changed.

 Although I had been a mother for 6 years it was quite different emerging from birth with a healthy baby and a smiling midwife in my own home. My sense of accomplishment was overwhelming. I did it! No hospital, no drugs, no IV, no epidural,no episiotomy,no glaring hospital lights, no yelling PUSH, no tension, no FEAR. And I knew even in that moment that I could do it again.

(Liberty and I in our post birth glory)

As I cuddled down with my new, sweet, 7lb baby girl, my fears and doubts had been put to rest as well. Birth wasn't scary after all. Birth was wonderful. Natural. Normal. I have never felt more confident in my own body and completely aware of the momentous miracle that God can accomplish through me. I was made for this. And so are you.

Comments and questions welcome!


  “Remember this, for it is as true and true gets:  Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine.  The Creator is not a careless mechanic.  Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo.  Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.” `Ina May Gaskin